lessons from the gutter
a few things I've learned
as I lay down in this chrysalis, wrapped in the fabric of memories I’d rather forget, I close my eyes in the hope that when I come out, a new heart comes out with me.
in the meantime: a few tips from what I’ve learned so far.
embrace the shadow:
you’re not bad for feeling bad things. denying your emotions is still denying yourself, even when those emotions are negative. and that builds up resentment, towards those who caused those emotions and yourself. you must let yourself feel the jealousy, anger, hurt, disappointment and loneliness alongside the happiness, joy and hope. you’ll see that, just like every other emotion, they’ll pass.
it’s important to know there’s a difference between feeling an emotion and acting from one. you must let yourself feel what you feel - physically, in your body - but not particularly make decisions whilst feeling that way. after the emotions pass, you’re still left with the consequences of your decisions. be wise.
remember yourself:
sounds really simple and obvious, but it hasn’t been to me for a while. not sure where but somewhere along the line I mistook humility for lack of self esteem and lost my confidence. I forgot about myself.
truth is, we all have relationships with ourselves. and some of us are bad partners. now as I do the work to undo the damage and gain back my trust in myself, I’m learning that in the same way we show up for those we love - defending their name, singing their praises and gently correcting them - we need to also do the same for ourselves.
sometimes, we’re not looking for anyone else. we just miss ourselves.
you’re enough:
this is a big one for me. I’m learning that I’ve grown up attaching my value and worth to what I do. so to love myself based on who I am and not what I do is alien to me. even though I want to.
so now I’m learning a new lesson. being exactly who you are - just as God made you - is just fine. yes, there are cracks. yes, there are flaws. yes, there’s work to be done - and He’ll do it.
but you? you are just fine. you don’t need to peek over into what someone else is doing. you don’t need to envy anyone else. you don’t need to be anyone else. you couldn’t anyway - everyone else is taken.
I saw a quote from Naval Ravikant - “nobody is going to beat you at being you”. in my opinion, there’s nothing more important than becoming who God called you to be. and live with the knowledge that He factored in your mess when He designed your life.
and maybe you’re not yet the person you know you could be. maybe you’re not doing what you want, or not doing it well enough yet. maybe you’ve made mistakes. maybe you’ve got bad habits and have hurt people. maybe you’re trying to fill a hole. maybe you feel lost.
it’s okay. that’s fine. you’re not worth less because of it. you’re not your experiences and you’re not your mistakes. learn and grow from them. do the work. apologise, forgive, develop and blossom.
changing the world starts with changing ourselves.
see you on the other side.